I have decided to open this with a
confession. You may never have read anything by me before, you may have read it
all. Acting the joker, having a witty tongue (or witty fingertips in the case
of blogging), are very much part of me. I line things I write with attempts at
comedy. I approach topics with an arsenal of jokes lined up, just in case I get
upset. I approach my faith and my sexuality with such joviality (?).
Perhaps I need to step away from jokes,
however witty or unfunny they may be. The purpose of planting humour for me, is
to plant a diversion, to get the people who do happen to read what I write,
slightly away from I, the writer. Maybe I don’t need a fulltime exodus, I just
need to be a little more honest, a little more personal, a little more open.
If I laugh away the insults, joke away the
pain, then I can pretend to be triumphant for a short while, until I go to my
room and feel deflated. Even if I scoffed or smirked or smiled it away, it
rests in my head, staying there for the day, whispering in the evening,
plaguing in the night. Humour is my reflex. It’s not there to be funny, it’s
there as a defense.
I feel like I needed to admit this.
Having a sexuality which involves same sex
attraction (I have yet to pinpoint it down), is hard. So I get attacked from
this angle.
Being a Christian can be hard. I shall
never, ever claim that it is hard like it is in certain countries; I do not
face such oppression.
Yet I already fear that I’ve talked too
much about myself, that this post is riddled with far too many first person
pronouns. What I am trying to discuss is the balance between being Christian
and being gay (or whatever I happen to be).
The cliché of the fine line or walking down
a tightrope is very apt. Scared of stepping over the boundary, fearing
floundering and falling, not realising that beneath this line, this thin,
fragile rope, there is a safety net.
Jesus.
He’s there to catch to us, there to put us
back on the narrow path. And when we are ready, He’ll teach us how to soar,
rather than stumble, to fly, rather than falter, to touch the stars over the
dirt. Christ is there for us. We not excluded from His love. When Jesus told us
that God loves us, Jesus did not lie, personally I imagine Jesus blossoming
with joy. Jesus knows this truth, He shows us this truth, let us embrace it,
let us embrace Christ. Christ’s finger points to something so wonderful, so
amazing, so awesome. May our eyes look to where it points, not just His finger.
Let our feet begin the journey to God, with Jesus’ hand in ours.
The last thing I wish to do is enforce, I
despise enforcement and the attitude, “You have to agree with me, otherwise you’re
wrong.” I just felt compelled to write this, the Holy Spirit guiding me.
Whether or not this inspires you, or encourages you, I pray that the Lord Jesus
blesses you.
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